Saturday, April 15, 2006
well, look at the time i'm bloggin. 4.56am. i had jus heard my grandfather's clock jus struck 5 times. creepy, with all lights out except for my lappie which im using. i cant even see the letterings on my keyboard. i'm used to the clock. and the snoring of my sis makes my "fear" goes away.
i cant really rem wad i did for the past few days. time travels too fast which makes my mind goes whirling.
went to catch EIGHT BELOW today. with tk, zr and trist. i'll be frank... i aint used to watching movie with frens now. this sucks. makes me lose concentration on my show. fidgeting abt. guess i need to watch movie more often! =)
hey girls, it's been a long time since we last met up! let's go watch da vinci code!
anyway, 3 of us, each saw 3 different ppl, and thought we saw the same person. haa. too common features.
i wasnt really comfortable with that. i cant really describe wad i felt. my heart doesnt ache, more like someone squeezed it hard. the fear mixed with the usual anger. and i can feel the adrenalin rush. fight or flight syndrome. the feeling is too intense for me to ignore it.
seems like i'm strong. but there's the fact that i dont. only till this point, do i know that there's still a part of me that is petty and and totally intolerant. revengeful, i agree. at least for now, though i can confirm that it's over, the anger still hasnt subsided. and i don dare to face it still.
say i'm a coward... i DO need my face! i jus don like/hate the losing part. it sucks.
sometimes i wonder why i link it to win and lose. or in some cases a tie. is my face that impt? i ans to myself tht it's a game isnt it? where there's a winner and a loser (for the tie, both are either winner/loser). but do i really treat it as a game? if yes, i shld have known the results... yes. i know. but i cont-ed. dumb.
jus read my free forecast/planner. not my daily horoscope. and there's this sentence which caught my eye. "This is particularly difficult in a love relationship in which you are romantically fascinated by someone who is completely inappropriate for you." and i scroll up, "there is the danger of being confused by your emotions, believing that you feel one way when your real feelings are quite different." - Mid May 2005 until beginning of December 2007
i'm out. 5.40am.
That's me. at 4:57 AM