Monday, March 08, 2010
it's officially a week.
couple of fb messages and calls help alot. really. as i've said, i don't really need alot of physical existence. as long as the minds and thoughts are linked together with a couple of unphysical contact to reassure, it's enough.
oh well, just nice i've finished my 1 week of recess. yet in school for 3 out 5 weekdays for the entire day. pathetic. especially when tests are coming real soon and i have not been attending schools since the start of it. well, may the lord be with me. =))
met up with mel a week ago and she amazed me. it has never ever crossed my mind that she'll actually become less materialistic and more realistic in life. i guess work can really change a person's mindset. and yes, a bag is just a bag but i'm paying for the idea which i adore.
perhaps it's largely due to the more important needs that she has. one which she prioritizes it as very critical in life. and that strikes me, what are my priorities? everyone around me has probably matured one way or another, planning for future, worrying about finances, having reservations now to not complicate their future.
yet, i'm still stuck at this stage of in between, not knowing what comes next and letting nature takes it course. i do realise i'm wasting my life here which i seriously hate and yet i just don want to do anything about it. or should i say i do not know how.
it comes to a point that i realise i have a pretty much smooth life since. i can do almost anything i want without obligations. my family supports my decision most of the time as long as i like it. i don even need to fight for anything! and that sadly leads to me not maturing and still stuck in my own world. i know it's bad but i do not wish to get out. too comfortable with my life now that it somehow turned into something addictive.
god is kind. he gave me somebody who plans and organizes things so well it intrigues me sometimes. how can someone survive life for so long having to complicate himself with all the little things in life? surprisingly he survived well. too well i suppose. yes, there may be times when he's really tired, but most of the time, god seemed to really paved his route for him. i'm not a christian, but all these are too coincidental that i guess there's really someone or thing high above.
well, as mentioned i still do not wish to get out of my oh-too-comfortable-vicious-cycle and yes i wish that i have the entire life stuck in that. of course, realistically i know i have to get out of it one day willingly or unwillingly. it's jus pretty sad for myself that after 21 years of life, i still cant figure out my purpose. if only the one high above can show me some guidance, a light or something and illuminate the right path.
That's me. at 1:29 AM